I am not lonely when I am with myself. I am not lonely when I am fully in the present moment. I wonder which will I choose to be lonely or to be in mess? My friend said to me, "I love you when you are in mess." I guess I look alive. Which will I choose to be alive or to be dead? Well, I choose to be alive. I am wearing pink robe my husband gave to me. At the time, I thought, "well I am not a pink person and I don't wear robe but I love him so I will keep it." When I was packing my stuff, I saw the robe again and I thought, "Well I am still not a pink person and I haven't wear this last 2 years......but I love him so I will take wherever I move." The robe was hanging my bathroom door for 7 month. I looked everyday and I thought, "this is kind of useless but I love him so I will leave it there." Winter came two days ago, and I thought, I could use this now. And, I actually love it. It's not only because my husband gave to me but because it is useful now. So, maybe all the things I think useless can be useful. It's just not their turn yet. I sometime say to me, "I am not sure if I am wasting my time by doing this. I could do this with the time I spend for this....." They could be my pink robe now.
If I really want something, i will do it no matter how hard it is. Even though there is no time, I will make a time. If I give up because of whatever I say to myself. Then, I am not committed enough to pursue it. I am just making up excuse by saying, "oh no time. Oh I am too tired." Yes, I know my energy is low now but that can be my pink robe too. So, I will keep on my pink robe and overcome this winter. At least today....at least now.