Scared to visit my home country

There is nothing to be scared of going to Japan. It is one of the safest country and it's where I am from. I can speak the language; I will never be lost in the place. But I know I will be lost after a month or so. I will be lost badly and asking myself, "where is me? Excuse me, have you ever seen me in somewhere? I think I lost myself."
Can police help my lost item? Can it be found at lost and found place at Tokyo Station?
Where can I find myself? Worse, what if I leave myself in the country?

Constant stimulation to avoid facing true feelings, superficial positive energy from disposable idols, and dramatized tragedy...they are all same thing to me.

How can I say bad things about my country? Maybe I am just so scared to go back. This might be my own defence mechanism. Can I be positive about visiting there?
I've tried and tried but so far it never worked. This time though, I am going to visit the country as a explorer. I will look at everything like I had never seen before.
I grew up there but it is not the place for me.

Blank page

When I face a blank page, I face new world. I might have an idea where I am heading but what I experience in the journey is always unknown.
If I am writing something that I already know and learn, what is the point of writing a novel? I write so I can discover and explore my inner world where I have never visited before.

What if artist stop expressing love?

I believe if you are speaking about love then it won't really destroy me. If you are using word 'love' but really speaking from your fear then word can be confusing and chance to upset me but I still believe we will understand what we mean at the end. I think love itself does not destroy anybody. We look like we fight over love but if there is a fight over love, the fight is really fight over fear of 'losing' love. Love does not hurts but absent of love hurts. So I am not really afraid to hear anybody's love. If it is really love speaking, we will only gain something but without losing something. I might be idealistic but I really believe it. Besides, if artist does not express love then what else can we express? If we stop expressing love then what is the point of expressing? Love is there becaue it need to be expressed and to be seen by others or by yours. It needs to be seen because there is nothing more beautiful than love. This is another priviladge we, human being have -to feel love and express love. If artists hesitate to express love because they might to be seen as crazy or they might be rejected by others, then we should just quit to be an artist. But do we really have a choice to quit to be an artist? We are all artist in various ways and quiting being artist is same as quiting to be a human. The love letter might be sent to one person but it has bigger meaning than being read by one reader. Just like you wife wrote love letter to her friend but maybe for you to be read...and for her to feel it again.