I feel better

So, I am in Maui visiting my friends. Maui was the place I felt home for the first time in my life. So, I kind of expected to feel some kind of pull to go back and sadness of not living Maui.
Right before we left Maui, I was in the mood of looking for signs and symbols. I just began looking for it and understanding about it. Then, we left I thought "maybe I will see something huge in Maui." I had many expectations and hopes. We have been here for a week and here is what I found so far.
1, I do not want to live here right now. I thought once a while, "maybe we will come back for good after my school." But I don't feel like this is my place right now. Maybe when I am retired (well if there is such a thing in my life,) I will. I still feel like this is where I wanna die but right now I love San Francisco. Maui is too peaceful for me and I am not in process of intense healing any more. I am in the process of discovering my new horizon and finding out how to pursue it. I realized when I am here, I feel everything is perfect and I am so content. So, I don't try to dig myself deeper and I just start thinking like "I am okay just living everyday and growing some vegi," which is a beautiful life but not for me right now. I grow vegi in SF and I want more. I want a little bit more harshness and feeling alone.
2, I like to be alone a lot. I like having my time. I realized I like people, meeting people, spending time with people but I love my alone time. That's the time when I channel all my energy to one thing and finding new lesson or realization. When I have couple hours by myself, I have better focus on my son than when I spend with him all day everyday.
3, babysitter is not my calling. I do not love the job as vocation. I think I do not work just for money, I will concentrate what I love.
So this is what I found and I feel so strange to find these in the place I love most and I feel home. How can I not want to live the place I feel home? Well, it is not my time yet. Between two kids and lack of sleep, I have been thinking what I wanna write when I go back to my home. One thing I am thinking is short stories based on my experience but in symbolic way. I only keep the symbols. I do not want to write memoir or true story. I wanna write what signs or symbol means to me. I don't know. I don't know where is the beginning yet.All I know is I am so looking forward to go back home and start writing even just stream of consciousness. We have 5 more days here then, we visit Boston for my husband's 2nd anniversary. Then, we will be home in October. I cannot wait to be home and starting daily routine. This is so strange to me. As you know, I am a gypsy and I love trips more than anything in the whole world. But at this time of my life, I love to be home and do my routine. I still get excited the idea of trip and going to an airport, and I cannot help it, but I am so ready to start writing. Well, I am contradicting-I have no idea where to start and I do not really know what to write but I wanna start writing. And when I start I do not want to stop (I mean I wanna write every night after my son goes to bed.) I cannot start somewhere that I cannot guarantee to have every night time like on the trip. I think Steve gave me a pen to show I am ready to write. And I feel some bubble inside of me wanting to come out.