Appropriate way to end this year!

I have so much passion, I dream all the time as well but I think my passion is stronger than dreamig. That's why I burn myself so easily.
Looks like everybody is going to sleep before midnight. My father is drunk as always he is on New Years. My mother will go to sleep at the same time Abi is going to sleep. I am about to finish my 10th year in this country. There are things I like and things I don't but I love this country. It is still the land of infinite possibility and the place where I am free to dream. Last 10 years I have spent different place every New Year, Boston, Portland, LA, Japan, San Francisco, Bay Point, Maui..... It has been for sure fun adventure. Though, I seemed to able to spend many new years eve with my parents even I was everywhere. This year is calm one and it is very appropriate for me to end this year in writing. I am happy to spend tonight and end this year writing. After all this is what makes me happy. Alone with my thoughts, my soul while my hand moving like busy bee.
Sometimes, I feel I am contradicting because I crave human connection so much but at the same time, I think I love to be alone most. This is how I recharge my energy but this is why I still want strong connection with other people. Many times I feel it is never close enough to other people, and I want spend so many hours with others. And other times I don't care if everyone else exist in my life, and all I want is enjoying myself and my son. Maybe that's why I like to write. It is a perfect combination both being close to others at the same time being alone. Tonight I can go on writing for long time. Actually, every day I can but I feel like I should tonight as my resolution for next year. Live in my passion -writing and show who I am. This is a year of manifestation, I believe.
I think every new years eve, I felt unsureness. It's because things cannot be clear around holiday season. It is the time to just enjoy friends and family. It is the time when everything else slow down. It is a chance for everyone to stop being busy and have appreciation what we already have. So I think New Years eve is hard day to see what is coming up. We are supposed to enjoy what we have right now. I accept that yet my anticipation gets me easily. I anticipate to have "hatuyume"(means first dream of the year which for tells how your year is going to be.) I anticipate how my new journey is taking to me. I know after all this is just one of night. Time or calender was just something we created for us to be practical. And I am not really practical in that way. Still, I take tonight as something special. It is a perfect day to excuse for me to start fresh again!
The house is quiet now. I can only hear me typing. It is a peaceful sound and I can feel how this sound is healing my heart. I am truly myself when I am listening this sound. I am one with me and around me. Time, space, limitations/freedom disappear when I hear this sound. Even myself disappear in this sound. I am no longer who I am that I define in daily life. I am strongest and at the same time kindest while I hear this sound. If this is not my calling or vocation then, what will be..... Everything tells me to go on this path and I believe in myself but it does not change how scary it is for me. It seems like the only way to trust myself is to hear more this sound. Who would thought this modern souless technology sound could be my healing sound? But it is this is not souless machine, this is full of soul depend on who is using it.
I would like to read this on the new years eve of next year.
I wish you Happy New Year! And enjoy your first dream tonight!